The Black Thing

March 11, 2009 at 9:50 AM | Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments
Tags: The Black Thing

I need to decide what to do with The Black Thing.  Purchasing The Black Thing was a decision based on the fact that I teach in a school located in an area called the Hillside which, reasonably, has lots of hills and not great road maintenance.  I live in Alaska.  It snows a lot.  Also, I am a chicken wuss when it comes to ice and snow on roads despite the fact that I have driven icy and snowy roads the entire thirteen years that I’ve been driving.  The Black Thing was a sensible purchase.  It became a vital purchase when I decided to become the lady on the hill, living in a house reached only by a 45 degree angle driveway of pure evil in March when ice glazes the angle and creates the Ramp of Death.

But, gas prices are making it tough to own The Black Thing.  So, I need to sell it or become a genius energy engineer who invents a fuel compatible with the combustion engine used to a steady diet of gasoline.  I’m thinking that there is plenty of worthless stuff lying around that could be alchemy gasoline fodder.  Like brussel sprouts!  I know one person who likes brussel sprouts, and I’m sure he’d like to make a sacrifice for my financial happiness seeing as how he is my younger brother and lives to see me smile (actually, he lives to accumulate random possessions which he then squirrels away in my basement, thereby cutting into my square footage).  Brussel sprouts stink, which means that they obviously have some chemicals in common with gasoline which also stinks.  I’m pretty sure this is going to work.

In case it doesn’t though, my back-up plan is to become a kazillionaire and not care about the cost of things.  I will be one of those cool, benevolent kazillionaires who renovates old playgrounds for communities and builds senior centers with lots of windows and well-paid staff members who are always nice to the old ladies and gentlemen.  And I will still get to drive The Black Thing.  Which I own.  Every bolt.