Slightly More than Nothing

October 16, 2011 at 12:49 PM | Posted in Adventures in S-Land, Intentions | Leave a comment

Know what I want to do today?  Nothing.  Guess what I’ve accomplished so far?  Nothing slightly more than nothing:

I’ve got the bear meat that I corned this week cooking in my trusty 1972 Crock-Pot.  This is actually my first experience with bear meat, corned or otherwise, since we never ate bear in my family.  This is because bears in my hometown eat a lot of often-rotten fish and the occasional buffet de la garbagio.  You are what you eat, even if you are a bear.  But the guy who can fix anything comes from an area where bears eat berries and plants, therefore, his family eats bears.  So now, I will eat bears too.

I fed Levi the Dog and Artemis the Cat.  This doesn’t really count as something, but it’s technically more than nothing.  Plus, if you ever want to feel like a superhero, find a dog and feed it.  Their standards of heroics are low, low, low, but their enthusiastic responses are off the charts.  Levi the Dog is currently composing an ode to my greatness:

I have read the news.  If you haven’t experienced the news today, I will sum it up for you: things happened and people did stuff.  I’m not sure why CNN hasn’t offered me a cushy desk job yet.

I caught up on my Old Farmer’s Almanac daily calendar.  I was two weeks behind.  See, I teach seventh grade, cook 90% of the meals we eat from scratch, write book reviews, and sort of run a jewelry business when I have a spare moment, so my days sometimes don’t allow for things like reading non-essential calendar pages.  Or sleeping.  Or moving at less than a sprint.  This is why I wish to do nothing on weekends.  Today’s calendar page inquires if I know which person was not a child of Erik the Red:

A.  Freydis

B.  Olafur

C.  Thorstein

D.  Thorvald

Answer: B.  

Finally, I spilled tea all over the desk which was covered with papers that I am supposed to be grading.  Awesome.  I will tell my students that I antiqued their writing in order to add character to the pages.   I’m crafty like that.

What needs to happen today is some letter-writing on real paper as a personal effort to aid the ailing U.S. Postal Service, decluttering the kitchen table since it has somehow become the junk mail center of the universe,  going to church in clothing other than my pajamas, filling the three necklace orders that came in this week, and walking Levi the Dog so that I might achieve sainthood in the Kingdom of German shepherd-huskies.

Ready, set, go.