And now I am at nursing school.

October 28, 2012 at 8:54 AM | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Please notice that I did not say IN nursing school.  I have switched careers!  I now work in the School of Nursing at our hometown university, serving as a support person for Alaska Native students in the nursing program.  Here are the benefits of my new job:

  • I don’t have to grade papers anymore.  I’ve become acquainted with these new things called, “weekends.”
  • I don’t have to explain to the iChildren that frantically copying a classmate’s assignment while I take attendance isn’t “working together on our homework.”
  • I do not have to tell anyone to spit out his or her gum, prompting him or her to swallow it and then open wide his or her gaping maw with lolling-out tongue to show me that he or she “wasn’t chewing gum.”
  • No one’s parents have called to complain about anything.
  • No one’s parents have said, “But you didn’t tell him he couldn’t stab people in the arm with a pencil!”
  • I can use the ladies’ room whenever I want.
  • I don’t have to explain to the iChildren that doing 45 Google image searches for “fart” isn’t a good use of library time.
  • No one has come back from being “sick” with a fresh manicure and new blonde highlights.
  • No one has informed me that he or she is going to Florida for a two-week hockey tournament and that he or she needs all his or her makeup work BY THE END OF CLASS TODAY.
  • No one has returned from a two-week hockey tournament in Florida without any of the work I scrambled together on the day he or she left because they, “JUST DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO DO IT.”
  • I don’t have to grade papers anymore.  I’ve become acquainted with these new thing called, “after work.”
  • I don’t have to grade papers anymore.  I love that part so much, I will marry it.

But I’m going to miss a lot of things too, including these actual statements (but not the actual misspellings) from real iChildren which will make me laugh for years to come:

  • “You were gone yesterday!  I thought you died!”
  • “You were gone yesterday!  I made you an origami shark.”
  • “Do you want my sandwich?  The news said teachers don’t make very much money.”
  • “My hamster died yesterday.  Can we bury him outside and read poems?  I can bring him tomorrow!”
  • “My personal narrative is about the best burp I ever had.”
  • “You can have this dime because class was fun today.”
  • “Can you make the kid next to me stop farting?”
  • “Oh!  I know who that is!  It’s Tu-PACK!  I’m so street!”
  • “You’re my nicest teacher and your class doesn’t suck.”
  • “I used to hate writing, but since you let me write about roadkill, now I kind of like it.  Not, like, a lot though.”
  • “I’m really into this new band called AD/DC!”
  • “Can I borrow those purple shoes you have?”

It’s been real.  Now I’m going to go and not grade any papers.

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