On Apples, on Oranges, on Raisins and Dates!

December 21, 2011 at 9:32 AM | Posted in Adventures in S-Land, Eat this., I made this., I'm related to these people. | 2 Comments

There's a whole orchard in here.

First, an apology to Dan.  Mincemeat inventory status was not reported here to Mincemeat Central.  That is why there was no mincemeat pie at Thanksgiving.  I apologize for the shortage and have informed the DLG Turkey Team that status reports are to be more accurate and timely.  She will be creating an action plan to prevent mincemeat shortages in the future.  Feel free to check her progress on this, but also be prepared to dodge because she likes whacking people.  And hi Marjorie!

For the rest of you, above is a jar of mincemeat.  As a kid, I loathed this stuff.  Of course, I hadn’t actually tried it because I was sure it would be too disgusting for my delicate and advanced palate (the one that also ate Cheetos and and longed for a mother who would buy Kraft macaroni and cheese instead of making the homemade stuff).  However, I should have known that something was up when my dad never expected me to eat mincemeat pie.

See, my dad is the founding member of the Clean Plate Club.  This fine and hallowed organization celebrates the eating of EVERYTHING on one’s plate in the spirit of the founder’s ancient and revered motto, “Because I said so.”  But mincemeat pie was never a club eatable despite it similarity in grossness to other club eatables like steamed rice and waffles (which, for some other delicate and advanced palate reason, I also found revolting).  Mincemeat pie was a food club eaters could choose not to eat.

I have solved the mincemeat mystery (which would also be a very good name for the Ford Bronco that The Guy Who Can Fix Anything And To Whom I am Now Married acquired as a “good deal”)!  Mincemeat pie is dee-licious and completely worthy of hoarding.  Unfortunately for the founding member of the Clean Plate Club, he now has to share his pie.  Fortunately for him, I like making mincemeat almost as much as I like eating it.  Okay, that’s a lie.  Eating it is WAY better.  But, making it is still pretty fun.

Now, turn those noses back down, mincemeat-haters, I know your world.  I used to be one of you.  But, I have repented of my past and now spend a large part of a day here and there chopping approximately 1.3 billion apples, forty-seven oranges, twenty-three lemons, a bathtub-full of cranberries, a whole bunch of figs, dates, raisins, golden raisins, and a paaartridge in a pear treeeeee! Just kidding about the tree part.  And also the partridge.  My mincemeat is certified partridge-safe.  After the chopping-pa-looza, I shovel the whole fruity mountain into a huge stock pot and begin stirring, stirring, and stirring.  And then, I start inhaling the evaporating brandy and sherry that splashes merrily into the mix.  That’s when I get all crazy on up in here!   Fa la la la la, la la la laaaaaaaaaaa!  And then some other stuff happens in the brandy-sherry fog involving some spices like cinnamon, maybe, and somehow, at the end of the day, the house has not burnt to a crisp. no one’s face has been scalded off, and all the little jar seals have done their sealing thing.

And mincemeat pie is in the future which makes everything merry and bright!

And then I wash a million dishes.

Note: numbers may be slightly exaggerated in this post due to brandy-sherry fume inhalation.

Also, I am not good at math.


Bone Marrow Mashed Potatoes

October 1, 2011 at 12:09 PM | Posted in Eat this. | 1 Comment

Stop gagging, and just read.  You wimp.

The guy who can fix anything, including well pumps, furnaces, and wonky toilet installations, has promoted himself to the guy who can fix anything and is now married to me, so he has a big list.  I love that guy.  I am glad he’s around all the time now.  And I’m in all-wifey mode where I’m making beee-you-tee-ful dinners and roasting vegetables and baking vast quantities of banana bread.  This works out nicely for the guy who can fix anything, etc. as that boy likes to eat.  And he likes to bring home dead things to eat.

Now, if you are opposed to bringing home dead things to eat, please chillax.  My husband and I are both big fans of the sanctity of life.  We hunt and fish only what we will eat, and we kill quickly and mercifully and follow all fish and game regulations.  We look with our mean eyes at those who don’t. I sometimes incorporate one raised eyebrow into my mean eyes.  We do our part.  And I can blog about it if I want.  The First Amendment says so.

I’m deeply devoted to a quasi-subsistence, living off the land, berry-picking, spending a lot of time gardening lifestyle.  In fact, you could say that I’m bone marrow deep into it.  As in, I spread it on toast.  I scrape it out and eat it plain. I make mashed potatoes with it.   And I revel in every moment.

Bone marrow is fabulous.  It’s delicious!  It makes the most delicately-flavored and yummy-textured mashed potatoes ever.  In fact, I don’t have a picture of them for ya’llses because we ate them.  There was no time for pictures.  Sorry.  Put on your imagination cap and visualize.  Or better yet, make your own bone marrow mashed potatoes if you want to see them in person.  Here’s how:

1.  Marry a guy who can fix anything and who thinks it is romantic to bring home a dead moose.  If you can’t find one of those, you may buy beef thigh-bones at the store.  If you must.

2.  Make killer banana bread for guy who can fix anything.  I like this one despite its profane name.

3.  Now that the guy who can fix anything is all happy and banana bread fortified, have him cut the moose leg bones in chunks that will fit in the roasting pan you own.  Or have the butcher at the meat department do that for beef leg bones.

4.  Roast the bones at 350 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes or until the marrow starts leaking out.  Mmm.

5.  Using thin, poky things (I use an iced tea spoon and a filet knife), scrape the marrow out of the bones and into some little dish thing.  Let it cool.

6.  Cook potatoes in water.  I make a lot, like 10 good-sized potatoes or so.  Use organic ones so that you can leave the skin on.  The potatoes should come to a boil, then simmer for 20 minutes.

7.  Then, drain the potatoes and mash into them the cooled bone marrow with a few minced garlic cloves if you are anti-vampire or if you just have 85 thousand cloves of garlic from your garlic planting experiment last fall.  Maybe this year you will only plant a few cloves instead of a few heads.  Not that I would know anything about that.  I’m just blogging.  And add enough milk to make a consistency that you like along with salt and pepper to taste.  Mash, mash, mash.  I like to leave chunks of potato in the mix.

8.  Then, sprinkle parsley on top because you like things to be pretty.  You know you do.

9.  Serve to unsuspecting guests.

June 30, 2010 at 12:25 AM | Posted in Eat this. | 2 Comments

It’s been cold and rainy for a bit, very English moor sort of weather.  Hot drinks have been key to my creature comforts for several mornings.  Enter the Paddington.  Heat a cinnamon stick in 8 ounces of milk in a saucepan over medium heat, stirring constantly.  Add two Earl Grey tea bags once the milk is hot.  Steep to desired strength.  Add a little honey if you wish.  Add whipped cream if you’re awesome.

Toasty Halibut Tortillas Recipe

March 8, 2010 at 10:50 AM | Posted in Eat this. | 2 Comments

Since just drinking straight sweet chili sauce seems wrong, I’ve had to invent recipes to use it.  Here’s one of my latest favorites:

Hello, you gorgeous thing.

Toasty Halibut Tortillas


1 tablespoon light mayonnaise

1/4 to 1/2 lb halibut fillet (boneless and skinless–you can use any other white fish you get your hands on)

2 whole wheat tortillas (10 inch)

2/3 cup broccoli (I’m lazy/efficient, so I  just thaw some of the frozen stuff to let excess liquid drain out)

1 garlic clove, peeled and minced

1 inch fresh ginger, peeled and minced

2 green onions

2 tablespoons soft cream cheese

4 tablespoons Parmesan cheese

lemon pepper or Penzeys pizza seasoning to taste

4-6 tablespoons sweet chili sauce (I use Mae Ploy)


Place halibut in foil-lined pan and spread with mayonnaise. Bake at 425 F until slightly underdone, about nine minutes per inch thickness of fillet.

Remove cooked halibut from oven and fold foil over to keep warm and to let fish finish cooking.

Put tortillas on a non-stick or lightly greased baking sheet and bake for three minutes or until toasty light brown at the edges. Remove from oven.

Spread tortillas with soft (must be very soft to not wreck tortillas) cream cheese. I usually use my fingers and make a giant mess.

Place all remaining ingredients EXCEPT halibut and sweet chili sauce on tortillas, making sure to divide evenly and space everything out nicely like the type-A person you are.

Lower oven temperature to 350 F and bake loaded tortillas for five minutes.

Flake the halibut and add to tortilla toppings. Drizzle sweet chili sauce over the whole thing. At this point, you may also add a little coarsely grated carrot (about half a medium carrot for two toasty tortillas) to ramp up the veggie servings.

Devour and be happy.

I Recipezaar’ed this at:

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